Friday, 14 February 2014

In This House

In this house, there are no monsters.


There are small creatures, 3 of them, the Christmas Angel, the Spring Angel and the Winter Fairy.

They are bundles of love, 1 medium, 1 small and 1 tiny.

And I adore them, each hair on their head, their smells, their faces, their fun and their absolute unbridled joy in life.

The Spring Angel is the bounciest, he is a 5 year old pure bolt of energy, a fiery ball of passion and joy, he sparks and fizzles, sometimes he explodes in a monumental eruption of rage and passion and deep rooted sense of unfairness, there is no logical to these explosions and as quick as they fire, they dissipate. 

He is also a bundle of affection and love, the most tactile and loving of my children, he hugs his siblings countless times a day, he dives home from school, hugs his brother and announces, "I MISSED YOU so much my baby", never has he felt a moments jealousy - and in that moment of unlimited, pure and boundless love, my heart could burst with the sheer joy it feels.

He is different this boy of mine, he believes in magic and myth, in Santa and in Dragons and Faeries, in Mummy and Daddy and brothers and sister, he spends his time dressing up, making things, building lego, in a world I am not always sure I can enter, but wanting the constant, reassuring presence of mummy, he likes to know where I am - all the time, and tells me he has secret spy cameras through which he sees me when he is not with me. 

He is my shadow, he likes to be with me, always.

Next is the Winter Fairy, my stubborn, gorgeous, wilful just 4 year old daughter. She is so like her father, aloof on one hand, but needing reassurance on the other. She has my temper and stubborness, that is for sure, but with her fathers sense of detachment, she is not a child who cares what other people think, she knows her own mind and makes sure I know it too.

She is tiny and dainty and delicate and oh so very beautiful, to me they are all beautiful, but "NO, MUMMY", "Daddy and the other smalls are NOT BEAUTIFUL, they are HANDSOME, you and me WE are BEAUTIFUL".

She believes in Faeries, but NOT DRAGONS, as she stamps her foot and announces strongly, I ABSOLUTELY do not believe in DRAGONS, DRAGONS are not REAL.

She likes making, and drawing and sticking and her baby brother and her 2 big brothers and her daddy. She likes to make new names, I am Mamma Mia, which she invented for herself. 

She loves clothes and dresses and swirly, swirly skirts in which she dances with absolute abandon.

The Winter Fairy is supremely self confident, there is no self doubt in her, she adores her aunt and her nanny and unlike her brother will leave without a backwards glance, secure in the knowledge that everyone she meets, absolutely loves her and that we are always here waiting for her.

She will stride confidently into the world, this daughter of mine. Sometimes, while she sleeps, I go to watch her, her heart shaped face so similar and yet so different to mine. 

And then there is the Christmas Angel, sent to heal me, my Rainbow after the Storm, my high needs, highly attached soon to be toddler, delivered as an early present to us by Santa.

A mass of cuddles and kisses and happy smiley faces, already I can see that he is to be the family joker, everyones darling - when his brother and sister are out, he misses them so - he isn't quite whole without them and he crawls from room to room, seeking them in each one.

His first and at the moment only word is a variation on his brothers name, he takes 7 steps, each day we count them, his sister bursts with pride at his every achievement and I burst with love to watch them.

This baby was sent to teach me a few lessons I think and to bring me out of the darkness. I have been told he has been with me before and certainly his arrival made me feel complete.

Despite a houseful of toys, he likes to empty kitchen cupboards, despite a whole unit of Happyland he likes his brothers Playmobil. He is beginning to like to join in craft time, waving a paint brush in the air with great enthusiasm.

There is one other, my eldest, he is forging his own path, his story is his own, he doesn't like to be spoken about on the internet but no story of our family is complete without at least a mention of him, my first born who holds his own special place in our hearts.

I love them so, my children, each one so different.

And lastly in this house is my husband, my soul mate, my hero and the one person in my life I know, would lay down his life for us without hesitation and will never hurt us or let us down. He is my everything, and the foundation of our family - he thinks that role belongs to me, but without his love and support, I wouldn't be me.

He encourages me in whatever I want to do - and all it takes for him to be happy is us, he takes his joy from me and the 3 small creatures (and his beloved motorbike - only he could possibly get a thrill from riding in the current storms).

4 children plus 1 husband = my whole heart.

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